Showing posts with label Puerto Rico. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puerto Rico. Show all posts

Sunday, December 11, 2011

REVERB 2011~Days 1-11


As usual I am a little late to the party! I had not heard of Reverb 2011 until today on my friend Anna's blog, Be healthy, well & inspired.  The Daily Prompts are for the month of December. Since I am starting a little late I will enter all my posts through today December 11th. Please visit Carolyn Rubenstein's Blog  for additional information on this activity. 

DAILY PROMPTS

1. One Word 
Photo of a —garita in el Morro Castle in San J...
El Morro Puerto Rico             Image via Wikipedia
Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)
Gratitude would be the word I will choose. On December 1st my son called and spoke to my husband.  He is in the Navy EOD and we hadn't seen each other in 6 years.  He wanted me to go with him to a family reunion in Puerto Rico on December 2nd! I had been praying about going on this trip for months. I wanted to go so badly. It was also my Aunt's 82nd birthday and her and my Uncle's 60th wedding Anniversary party. At the time I didn't know that my husband and my son were discussing this trip. I had been so sad that I wasn't going to be able to go. However, I kept praying for something to happen. The party was on December 4th and I still didn't even have an airline ticket! I finally got the go ahead and purchased the ticket at 8:30 that night, leaving the following day! I thank God in Heaven for making this happen. There are too many circumstances to discuss, but this trip was truly a miracle!
Nicole, Debi, Uncle Abe, Titi Chelo, Me and Chris
The word I would choose for 2012 would be Freedom. For the past 3 years I have been not working due to an illness. So I am hopeful as God answered my prayers this past week, if it is His will, He will grant me the freedom from this illness so that I can return to work. 
2. Writing
What piece of writing are you most proud of from 2011? How does this piece differ from your other pieces? 
I feel that my greatest work has yet to be written!
3. Year in Review
As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?
My high points were when I felt loved and cherished by my husband. I am grateful for those days even if few and far between. Another high point was finding the Neurologist at the University of Washington who knew what my condition was and how to manage it. Living close to my son and daughter-in-law and our sweet granddaughters. They keep a smile on my face and laughter in our home. The joy when I received the call from my son and the return  to happiness that I could hear in his voice when he spoke. 
The low points were when I was too sick to get out of bed and wishing I was back to normal. The moments when I was grieving the loss of the person I used to be and the things I used to be able to do.  But those feelings are short lived.  I always try to focus on the 90% good instead of focusing on the mere 10% of not so great that happens during one's day!
4. Beauty
How have your standards of beauty shifted in the past year? 
As I get older I am more accepting of the changes that I am noticing about my body. I am embracing the little smile lines that I am seeing. That means that I have smiled more in my lifetime than frown! I notice the beauty around me more, the new blooms in my garden, the birds and butterflies that roam our yard, the happiness of our pets when they see us, the innocence of our granddaughters and their sweet giggles is beauty to me. 

5. Reading
What has been your favorite book (or books if you can’t pick just one) that you’ve read this year?


I normally love reading mysteries and romance titles.  I have read a few books this year but I had the pleasure of reviewing a children's book recently. The author's message is so important.  
"My Feelings are Hungry" by Ava Parnass is a book I would recommend to anyone with children. I wish I had had this book when I was raising my children. You can read more about this book on my blog.  
  
6. Ease
What can you do to add ease to 2012?


The best thing I can do is to have faith.  Faith that the upcoming year is going to be a great one, that my year will not be defined around my illness and what I can't do but of the blessings God will grant of me and for me. 
7. Giving
The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.” (David Viscott) What is your gift to give? 


One of my gifts is to share with others.  Now that our granddaughters are getting a little older I want to share with them some of the things I learned from my grandmother and mother. 
8. Limits
We often learn about our limits the hard way. Were there any limits you realized this past year? Alternately, what self-imposed limits were you able to move beyond this year?  


There were physical limits. However, I learned to get around them! The self imposed limits that I overcame was realizing that despite the limits given to us, miracles do happen! 
9. Superpower
If you were a superhero, what would your power be?


I would love to be Tinker Bell, there is something about Fairy Dust that I love so much more than dust bunnies!


10. Soul Food
How do you nourish your soul? What activities are essential nutrients for your soul’s well-being?
Spending time with my family and quietly thanking God each morning. The best gift in life is when you recognize all the blessings that surround you! 
11. Anticipation
What is the one thing that you are most looking forward to in 2012?


I am looking forward to spending more time with my children, family, friends and be able to travel more. To be the person God wants me to be. 

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Thursday, November 17, 2011

A Letter to My Daughter

FLOWER AND PREGNANT STOMACH
© Merrill Dyck | Dreamstime.com

We found out I was pregnant with you not too long after our honeymoon! I was so happy, I had been wanting to be a mommy for as long as I could remember. Having a life grow inside of me was truly a miracle from God.


Your Daddy and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Tampa, FL.  We had already planned to put the bassinet in our room in the beginning. We were thinking of moving into a bigger place by the time you were old enough to be in a crib.


Morning sickness hit me pretty hard, but it reminded me that you were here with me. That lasted a good 12 weeks. I remember getting ready for work in the morning and your Daddy would play some Cat Stevens music, that was his name back then!

The both of us in 1983
Work was pretty tough, I was working as a CNA until I took my Registered Nurse license exam. One of my co-workers would always disappear when I needed him the most.  I had to lift and bathe patients and didn't want to do any lifting while pregnant. Sadly, I ended up doing quite a bit of that, it became unavoidable.  Sometimes I think back on those days and wish I had protected you more.


Our doctor was Dr. William Capps, he was wonderful. We went for our check up and we heard your heart beat for the first time. The sound was so magical. You sounded like a horse galloping!  You were moving a lot by now.  Your Daddy and I would talk to you and tell you how much we loved you.




By now I was starting to feel better and the morning sickness was gone. I loved being pregnant! You made me so happy! I couldn't wait to meet you. Since we still had a few months to go, guess what we did?  We got a puppy!
Bernadette
She was a Cocker Spaniel and her name was Bernadette.  She loved to chew on everything! Your Daddy named her after his favorite actress, Bernadette Peters!  She had red curly hair too and such a cute puppy!   Now I can see why your Daddy wanted to name her Bernadette!!  I couldn't wait for you to get here so that you could play with her! 

Bernadette Peters at a Broadway Barks booksign...
Image via Wikipedia
We were getting things ready for you. My friends from work gave me a baby shower!  I think I went through and folded and refolded all the tiny clothes that you would soon be wearing!


Daddy and Mommy both worked at the same hospital.  On our way home from work we had a hit and run accident. I was 7 months pregnant and that night I started to have contractions.  We were so scared.  Daddy took me to the hospital.  They checked me out and thankfully you were okay!


Your Grandma came and visited us from Puerto Rico.  You were going to be their first grand-baby   She made you a Bambi cross stitch blanket.  Together we also made a wall quilt that was going in your room. It had little animals in a hot air balloon, rolling hills and a tree with birds flying through white puffy clouds.  I made yellow gingham curtains to match and we painted an old dresser white that was going in your room too. Time was getting close for you to arrive.  We had a great visit but she had to get back home to Grandpa!


Around a week before you were due to arrive I went shopping with your Aunt Debi for more items for your room.  A couple of times during the day I started to get painful cramps, but they only lasted a few seconds.


After I got home, Daddy and I sat and began to watch "The Miracle of Life".  I started to realize that I hadn't felt you move in the last few hours.  My heart sank, we both tried to make you move but nothing happened. Daddy quickly called Dr. Capps and we were off to the hospital.


I was so scared, you just had one more week to go, I didn't want to think that maybe we had lost you, at least not yet. They placed me in a room and asked Daddy to go to admitting to fill out some paperwork.  My Dr. wasn't there yet, so the on call Dr. arrived and turned the sonogram machine on.


As an NICU nurse I knew what I was looking for. As he placed the warm gel on my belly I started to pray silently to God.  Then your tiny little image appeared on the screen, but your heart was no longer beating. I didn't have to wait for the Dr. to tell me the news, I already knew.


Daddy finally showed up and I had to tell him. We were devastated and heart broken. They tried to induce me and as I was laying there separated by only curtains, I could hear the other moms giving birth to their healthy babies. Tears were just streaming down my face as I heard the cries, I knew I wasn't going to be hearing the sound of your sweet voice.


My contractions were getting stronger, however I wasn't feeling any pain.  The nurses couldn't believe it. I was determined not to deliver you naturally.  I couldn't go through with it, I was physically and emotionally drained.  They wanted to wait another day before they had to perform a C/S.


The next day they tried to induce me again.  I wasn't dilating or feeling any physical pain.  My heart was aching, the loss of being able to have you in my life was unbearable. Our doctor finally decided to perform the C/S.  I was relieved, I don't think I could handle another day of the same.


After the surgery the nurse brought you in to us.  Soon I was holding you in my arms. You had dark curly hair and a sweet turned up little nose. You were precious. I didn't want to hand you back to the nurse.  I couldn't, not just yet. I had to look at you so that the memory of your sweet little face would never be erased for as long as I lived. We named you Alexandra Christine.


Your Daddy was so strong, strong for both of us. He took care of the baptism and burial.  I couldn't deal with it. I had to stay in the hospital for a few more days.  I felt empty inside. I would wake up from sleeping and was hoping it was all a bad dream.  I had carried you for nine months and now you were gone.  
CHILD GRAVE ANGEL
© Crystalvenus | Dreamstime.com




I love you my dear Alexandra Christine and I miss you terribly.  You are in Heaven now with your Grandma.  I know that you are both looking down on us.  You have three younger brothers too!  One day we will all be together again.

Love Always,
Your Mommy











I have been wanting to write this down for quite some time.  I guess I have been avoiding doing so because of the fear of reliving the pain all over again.  However, it was long over due.  I want to thank Elisa Hirsch from The Golden Sky Blogfest, for allowing me to write about my sweet daughter.

EC Writes




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